Return to Spinner's End
by Madeleine Toleri
Summary: Immediately after the HalfBlood Prince. Severus Snape ponders the events of the day. This story is built upon carefully constructed theories that I find plausible, and in fact, likely. For those looking to expand their understanding of Snape.


DISCLAIMER: Chracters, names, story-line, etc... all belongs to J.K. Rowling. And as far as I'm concerned, she can have everything else too. I particularly hope that my theories are correct and that she WILL use them.

Return to Spinner's End

The somber dust-filled room was lit only by a paradoxically cheerful crackling fire into which a dark and malevolent Severus Snape was glaring. While a highly accomplished Occlumens and a master at hiding vulnerability, Snape's mind was whirling. He must keep his mind under control! He was anticipating a call from the Dark Lord. Any instant from now he could be summoned to give an account of the events that happened earlier that day.

Snape's actions would surely earn him some reward, even if it was merely a certain degree of immunity to suspicion. If only he'd had some warning, some time in which to prepare himself. As it was, he'd only had time to seize his wand, stun Flitwick to keep him from interfering, and then remove Hermione Granger and that odd Lovegood child from the situation before rushing to the tower where Dumbledore was located.

Foolish Draco. No doubt Snape rescued him from the Dark Lord's wrath to a certain extent. But still, the back-stabbing, traitorous bunch of Death Eaters would jump at the chance to tell the Dark Lord of Draco's hesitation. The Dark Lord would, at the very least, certainly use the Cruciatus curse on Malfoy.

Although Snape had never guessed that Dumbledore would end up cornered and disarmed, he had known that someday he would be faced with a decision. When he made that accursed Unbreakable Vow he was expecting to be asked to protect Draco, but the last part of that vow was not so expected. Trapped, with the rabid Bellatrix hovering over his shoulder… His hand twitched, and he hesitated, but he knew he must make this vow. Even if it was not his own wish to protect Draco, Dumbledore would surely order him to. As for the other… He knew that this vow could indeed cost him his life. But he knew that he could not refuse to make it with the Death Eaters already suspicious of him. Better to die by simply not fulfilling the vow than by being tortured to death by the Dark Lord. Besides, was it not better to live out the remainder of his days in (relative) comfort and usefulness? He mentally kicked himself. He should have known Dumbledore would never accept that.

Severus stood up and began to morosely wander across the room, gazing at mementos. Not that there was much in his life that he wished to remember. Old Potions awards, family pictures. One of them showed the Snape family at Christmas. If he looked closely, he could probably see the bruises on his mother's face that she had tried to cover up, he thought bitterly. His mind drifted to the Occlumency lessons he'd given to that insufferable git, Potter. He wished he didn't have so many unpleasant memories that the brat could get into. Odd, but while his instinct was to act as if the boy was James, reincarnated and prone to vicious "pranks", he occasionally got this disturbing feeling that some might call compassion… No, out of the question, thought Snape, shaking his head. Who was he trying to hoodwink? Harry Potter was the spitting image of his father. The stupid hair, the ego, the insolence… No doubt the seeming injustices he had experienced as a child had been well deserved. No, his weakness towards the boy was because of those eyes. Those green eyes. Lily's eyes.

Snape sank onto the dusty, overstuffed armchair and put his head in his hands, his greasy hair falling over his face like a curtain. Under other circumstances, Lily's eyes could have had a very different effect on Severus. In a face that was the spitting image of James, they caused nothing but pain and rage. The only person he'd ever really loved, the only one who showed him compassion, had married the person he utterly despised. James, that arrogant, cowardly bully. As it was, the Potter boy served as a reminder, not only of his hatred of James and his love of Lily, but of the mental torture he'd been under for most of his life. He had murdered the only person he really loved. If only he'd known… He would never have told the Dark Lord that prophecy he had overheard. How was he to know that Lily was pregnant? He had only been trying to gain points in the eyes of the Dark Lord. It had worked. Severus was often referred to as the favorite.

Snape hated himself. He hated Dumbledore for making Snape kill him. He hated the Dark Lord for killing Lily. He hated James. He hated Lily… no he didn't. He hated Harry for being James' son and for being that reminder… Yet he couldn't fully hate him. Those eyes assured that he would hate Harry, yet, impossibly, also love him.


End file.
